


Make or Break

by FFanon



Series: Can't Get Enough [18]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Established Relationship, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Pregnancy Scares, confusing feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23780815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FFanon/pseuds/FFanon
Summary: They've never talked about kids before.
Relationships: Shane Walsh/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Can't Get Enough [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1284716
Comments: 20
Kudos: 33





	Make or Break

**Author's Note:**

> So if the tags didn't give it away - TW for everything related to pregnancy and babies, etc.

Rachel wakes in the middle of the night with the urge to use the bathroom. She walks her naked self around the end of the bed to Shane’s side where his bathroom is. She feels a headache come on, which she knows is because she’s probably dehydrated, so when she’s finished and she’s done washing her hands, she opens his medicine cabinet to find some aspirin. A quiet groan that the man doesn’t have any, she crouches down and checks the cabinet under his sink just to be sure. It’s there that she spots the bag of pads she keeps there and it’s in that moment she realizes her period’s late.

She keeps staring at the bag as she tries to recall the last time she needed it and how long it’s been since. How long is she really late? She uses her fingers to count the weeks, twice to be sure, she realizes she’s a week late and her stomach drops.

Finding aspirin completely leaves her mind as she slowly stands back up. Her mind is flooded with every emotion, good and bad, and her stomach feels like it’s weighed down by rocks. 

She doesn’t want to wake Shane up for this. She doesn’t even know anything yet, but she’s also afraid to even put the possibility out there into the universe. They’ve never talked about kids. They’ve only talked about marriage that one brief time, but never about kids. 

Rachel’s mind is too active that she knows she’s not going to be able to go back to sleep. She wants to get a more affirmative answer to the lingering question of what is she dealing with. Flipping the light switch off before she opens the door, she keeps her footsteps slow and quiet. Every move she makes is calculated. She does not want him awake. 

With slow movements, she makes it back to her side of the bed where she digs into her weekender bag and starts pulling out some clothes. She dresses in a pair of leggings and a t-shirt and makes her way out of the bedroom.

Shoes on, purse in hand, she quietly opens the front door and is hit with a chill of the cool night air. Rachel grabs one of Shane’s jackets from the hooks next to the door and leaves. Delilah lifts her head as she watches her owner slip out.

Rachel’s back within thirty minutes, and as quietly as she left, she’s just as quiet when she comes back in. Except now she’s carrying a plastic shopping bag that won’t stop crinkling. It doesn’t matter though, because sitting on the couch in a pair of sweatpants, petting Delilah’s belly whose lying next to him, is Shane. Hair messy, eyes tired from sleep, looking at her. 

“What’s goin’ on?”

The way he’s petting Delilah makes Rachel’s heart ache as she thinks of the times when they’d refer to each other as Mom and Dad in regards to that sweet dog. And her mind can’t help but wander to how wonderfully easy it would be to use those names around a child. But she shakes that thought from her head and focuses back on Shane’s question.

“How long have you been awake?” she asks.

“Thought I heard a car leavin’ from the house, figured someone was stealin’ it until I realized you weren’t next to me. Then realized you weren’t here at all. Knew you’d be comin’ back because you would have taken Dee if you weren’t.”

Shane eyes the 7-11 bag in her hand and looks to her for an answer.

But Rachel doesn’t say anything right away. She doesn’t even bother taking his jacket off, just drops her purse right there on the floor and grips the thin handles of the plastic bag.

“It’s a pregnancy test.”

He wakes up more at that, brows raised, so Rachel starts talking fast.

“I don’t know if I am. But I’m late and I just want to know if this tells me anything.”

She watches him stand up and start walking towards her.

“I don’t know if I even should take it. I just – I felt better at least having one here if I decided to. I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t even know how I feel about it and I don’t even know anything yet. I’m freaking out and I’m scared and I don’t know – I don’t know,” she’s rambling and he can see she’s clearly worked up. 

Shane stops in front of her and she glances at him before looking at Delilah and back to him, “I’m afraid to take it,” she sighs.

He takes her face so tenderly in his hands, “Breathe. I’m right here with you.”

But the look on Rachel’s face doesn’t show any sign of relief. Instead, she closes her eyes and her brows knit together in worry. Her fingertips lightly touch the back of one of his hands before she finally looks at him.

“I think maybe I should go,” she responds and moves from his grasp, walking around him towards his room.

He’s hit with shock at her words and turns around to walk after her, “What are you talkin’ ‘bout? Rachel, baby, stop. Don’t leave.”

She takes his jacket off and lays it on his bed, along with the shopping bag, as she makes it to her side before looking at him as he makes it to the doorway.

“It’s the middle of the night, but even if it wasn’t, I don’t want you to leave,” he tells her.

A small sigh comes out of her and she’s looking at him with what he can only describe as sadness but he doesn’t know why.

“We’ve never talked about this before. Kids,” she says.

“No, we haven’t.”

“We’ve only talked about a future that one time, Shane.”

“I know,” he answers calmly.

“I don’t want to lose you,” she finally admits and now he realizes why the look of sadness.

Shane gives a small shake of his head and starts moving in her direction, “Who said you would?”

But that’s not what she wanted to hear because she blows out a tiny huff and rubs at her forehead with some frustration before running her fingers through her hair. Shane makes it to her and replaces her hand with his own as he trails it through her hair. Rachel just looks at him.

“This is it, Shane. This is one of those conversations that makes or breaks couples. Having kids,” she explains to him and he feels her fingertips brush his bare skin as she reaches for his waist before changing her mind and letting her hand drop back to her side, “What if it breaks us?”

He wants to stay positive because if she’s this worried he wants to be that rock for her, but she’s also right. She’s absolutely right and he wishes she wasn’t.

Just the thought of not being with her feels like a punch to his gut, but all he can do is look at her. Worry and sadness is written all over her beautiful face and it’s when he quietly admits, “…I don’t know,” that he sees tears in her eyes.

Rachel’s first to look away from him and takes a seat on the edge of the bed, her hands tucked between her knees. Shane just stares at her before taking a seat beside her. Both of them with their eyes drawn to something in front of them instead of each other.

Hesitantly, she quietly shares, “If I’m pregnant – I don’t know if I want to keep it. I love you but this is all still new for us. We’re only together a few months, we don’t live together - it just would be too soon.”

Shane looks at her, but she keeps her eyes drawn to some spot on the floor. She pauses and takes a small breath before finally looking to him, even turning towards him by bringing a leg on the bed.

“You know…whenever I’d see a cute kid in a store, for just a moment I’d think how I wanted one of my own. But it never lasted and I wasn’t sure what to make of that. And then, you came along,” she can’t help but let a small smile slip out for just a second, “God, Shane, I’ve fallen so hard for you that now when I see a cute kid in a store I don’t think about how I can’t wait to have one, I think about how I can’t wait for _us_ to have one. And this time that feeling lasts. I just move it to the back of my mind, saving it for a later time…”

There’s a soft grin that shows up on his face for a moment despite her being so serious still.

“…I want everything with you. I want a life with you – a marriage, kids, a future. But I just don’t think right now is our time,” she licks her lips and wipes at a tear that rolls down her cheek, “And if it turns out that I am pregnant, and I do terminate the pregnancy, I need you to be honest with me. _Please_. Because if that is going to make you resent me down the road, or make you want to break up, or even make you hate me, you need to tell me right now because I can’t be in this relationship if I’m going to have to worry about that happening.”

She’s so brutally honest that she feels exhausted. The idea of losing him is too much to swallow, but the idea of him possibly hating her hurts even more. If they want to see where this brings them, they need to be completely honest with one another.

Shane looks away from her briefly and it lights a pile of nerves inside of her. Even when he turns back to her, his dark brown eyes boring into hers, her hands are still shaking.

He lets out a small exhale and gives a tiny shake of his head, “Rachel, I love you. Shit, I – I dated around like it was a game before. I know you probably already figured that out, but there it is. But us - what we have? You? I’m all in, Rach. There is not one doubt in my mind that you’re the one for me,” his hand moves to her knee as he scoots even closer to her, “I want to marry the hell out of you and I want kids with you. But any child we have will be callin’ you home for nine months, so if you aren’t ready, then I’m with you on what you want to do. You’re right, it would be a bit soon, but I’m also here whether we keep it or not.”

Tears well up in her eyes, “Are you absolutely sure?” and she lets out a shaky breath as her hand moves over his that’s on her knee, “Because I don’t think I could handle you ever hating me,” just the thought bringing a few more tears down her face. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he soothes and shakes his head. Shane leans forward more and brings his other hand to her cheek, “I wish you knew just how impossible that is,” and Rachel lets him pull her in a bit until his forehead touches hers.

But Rachel slips her arms around his neck and Shane’s quick to gather her up in his arms and pull her onto his lap where they hug one another.

“I really love you,” he hears her say to him, and it’s with such deep emotion that he has to swallow a lump in his throat. 

“I really love you, too,” he repeats with the same heavy dose of affection and tenderness, hand rubbing her back as he turns his head to press his lips to the side of her neck. 

Rachel leans back to look at him and she touches his jaw, lips fitting to his.

Shane cups the back of her head as he kisses her. She feels his thumb rub against her hair then feels his hand slide down to the nape of her neck. 

As Rachel’s lips slowly leave his, his thumb brushes her earlobe.

“I still don’t know about taking the test,” she looks at him, “They’re not always accurate.”

“I know,” Shane responds which makes her head tilt in momentary curiosity.

“You’ve been through this before,” a statement, not a question.

“Twice,” Shane seems nervous to share, “Two different women. Not, um, not countin’ right now.”

Rachel sits up a bit more and he notices the way she leans back a bit more from him, too.

“Did – did you, um…did you want kids with those women too?” she finds the courage to ask.

But Shane’s eyes never leave hers when he shakes his head, “No,” and he adds, “Only one ended up actually bein’ pregnant. We both decided it was best not to have it. But the second one, she took a test and it came back positive but it ended up bein’ a false positive.”

Rachel gives a nod in response and tucks her hair behind her ear before brushing her fingertips along his arm. 

“Once. In college,” she admits next, “The same thing happened to me. A false positive. That’s how I know.”

Before he can respond in any way, she asks him, “Were you scared?” referring to those two times.

“Yeah,” and she presses a light kiss to his lips but then he continues, “But with you I’m not. Whatever happens, we’re gonna be okay.”

“I’m scared.”

“It’s okay,” he takes her hand in his as he keeps looking at her, “Just know that you’ve got me. I’m here.”

Rachel nods and slowly leans her forehead against his, taking in a small breath. He buries his fingers in her hair and gently nuzzles his nose against hers before they both pull back.

“I’m gonna take it. I know it may be wrong, but I just need to know _something_.” 

Shane just nods, not wanting to do anything that would make her think he’s trying to sway her one way or the other, “Okay.”

But she doesn’t move right away. She’s looking at him and then after a few seconds gives a small nod and stands up with Shane’s hands following her hips up until she takes a step to move away. She grabs the shopping bag off the bed and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Shane leans forward on his knees, hands running down over his face once before he stands up. Delilah happens to mosey into the room as he faces the doorway and Shane leans down to pet her as her tail wags. With one quick lift, he has her on the bed, taking a seat next to her as she lays down, and pets her as he waits for Rachel.

Rachel is quick to rip open the box and get the stick out. Once it’s in her hand she stares at it for a few seconds, willing herself again to just take it. 

Shane mindlessly pets Delilah’s head, staring off at nothing as his mind races. He’s not scared, he didn’t lie about that. In fact, from the time she told him what was in the bag he hasn’t felt one ounce of fear of whether she may actually be. It’s _Rachel_. He loves her so deeply that having a child with her doesn’t connect to fear for him. But what he’s thinking about is trying to figure out necessary plans in case Rachel changes her mind and decides to keep it if she _is_ pregnant.

Just then the bathroom door swings open and Shane’s eyes go right to hers.

“Five minutes.”

Shane leans over to grab his watch on his bedside table and sets it.

Rachel gives Delilah a pet before taking a seat on the other side of Shane. He slips his hand around hers, their fingers naturally fitting together.

Her leg bounces a little as they wait, but he doesn’t say anything. He kisses her temple which gets her to turn towards him where he then kisses her forehead.

“Would you want me to keep it?” she asks so low, lips moving against his shoulder. 

His thumb sweeps back and forth along her hand as he takes a few seconds to respond. They just confessed that they both want children with the other, but that’s not what she’s asking right now and he knows it. But he also doesn’t have a simple answer.

“I don’t know what to say,” he sighs.

Rachel lifts her head, “I want you to tell me what you’re feeling. I know what you said, but deep down what would you want me to do?”

Shane looks down at their joined hands and then brings them up to kiss the back of hers. He turns back to her, a small crease between his eyes, “If I say no, and you are, then you’ll think I don’t want it. If I say yes, and you aren’t, I don’t want you to think you let me down in some way.”

A few seconds of silence between them, then Rachel lets go of his hand and stands up.

Shane’s mouth opens slightly, unsure of what to say, but she’s not upset like he thought. His eyes stay on her face as she brings each knee up to the bed, nestled against his thighs, and settles in his lap. Shane’s arms move to circle her waist, drawing her closer to his chest, as hers move around his neck.

He speaks before she does, wants to explain his words more for her, “I want a kid when we’re _both_ ready. And if you’re asking if I’m ready now, then yeah, I think I might be, but I also love our life right now. You, me, and this four-legged angel next to us. I want you to be happy when we’re together, not worrying that you did something wrong. So this is me telling you that no matter what you want to do, I am here and I am one hundred percent behind you. No decision you make will be the wrong one. I can wait for kids, Rach,” he leaves a light kiss to the corner of her mouth, “Because bein’ with just you is its own kind of incredible.”

She doesn’t hide the few tears that slip down her face because they’re not from worry right now, they’re from a happiness that only he could give her.

When a tiny, watery breath of a laugh leaves her beautiful lips, Shane kisses a few of those tears away. She touches his jaw as he does and as his stubble scrapes her wet cheek, she proclaims with a glimmer of humor, “I am so marrying you one day.”

“Just tell me when and I’m there,” he grins against her skin before kissing her cheek then looking at her. He skims his knuckles along her jaw.

The hint of a smile on her face has him kissing her, then she pets his cheek and her voice is quieter, more intimate then before.

“I am _so_ happy when we’re together,” she responds to his previous words, “You’re an unbelievable man, Shane. Just, thank you.”

He leans in to kiss her when his watch starts beeping. Eyes on one another, he sees hers widen for a second. 

“Ready?” he asks.

“No,” she shakes her head.

“You want me to look?”

“No.”

He’s not sure what else to offer, so he waits for her, hands soothingly rubbing her thighs.

“Look with me?”

Shane nods and stands with her, both walking into the bathroom. She steps up to the counter but looks at him as he comes in after her, standing behind her and hooking an arm around her waist.

As she picks up the test, together they look down and see two pink lines. Positive.

The test is shaking because her hands are. Shane wraps his fingers tenderly around her wrist to steady her and kisses her head. Mumbling against her hair, “Remember, we don’t know if that’s right.”

As Rachel slowly puts it back down on the counter, his hand stays on her wrist. She gives a small nod, and he feels her other arm move. Watching her, she lifts her other hand to wipe at her face, and then he hears a tiny sniffle.

Shane steps to her side and with his hands on her hips, gently turns her towards him and when Rachel looks up at him, he sees the tears rolling down her face. 

“Darlin’,” he says so softly, his face etched with pain at her sadness.

“I’m okay,” she tries to convey through a watery voice. Shane presses a kiss to her forehead, hands gliding up and down her sides. 

Her arms slip around his waist and she pulls herself against him, her warm tears now against his bare chest. Shane holds her tight, lips pressed to her hair.

“Even though it’s not the right time for us, part of me still wishes it was,” she says before more tears roll down her cheeks.

Her words bring tears to his own eyes, “Me too,” his hand smooths down the back of her head. It stays there as she leans back into it to look at him, and when she sees his watery eyes, she gives the tiniest pout before kissing his cheek and then a small kiss to his lips.

Shane rests his forehead to hers, “We still have a lot to look forward to though. Doin’ this again will be one of ‘em.”

She nods against him with a quiet, “Yeah.”

* * *

Her appointment with her doctor is three days later. It takes two more to get the results from the blood test. 

When Shane’s at work sitting at his desk, doing paperwork, his cell phone in plain view in anticipation of the results, it finally rings.

“Hey,” he manages to offer instead of just asking outright. 

“Hey,” and he hears it in her voice, “I’m not,” that small sound of disappointment that they both have been feeling. 

It’s not that Rachel was going to change her mind, because she knew that as much as Shane would make it work, they weren’t ready for a child yet. But just the past few days of thinking that possibly growing inside of her was something they made out of their love for each other, it was truly something special. 

Shane rubs his eyes and gives a small sigh away from the phone before bringing it back to his mouth, “Okay,” he says quietly, “How are you doin’?” 

“I – I don’t know. I know I’m not ready, but - how can it be possible to miss something that you never even had?” she finds herself genuinely asking him despite knowing there’s no real answer.

“Easily,” he says, “Especially when it’s something you know you would have loved,” he barely gets out before moving the phone away from his mouth again as he takes in a shuddering breath.

But Rachel doesn’t do that, so Shane hears her small sob into the phone.

“Where are you?” he asks next.

“In a bathroom stall,” she says, leaning against the metal wall inside the bathroom at her work.

“I’m comin’ to get you,” he declares as he starts tidying up his papers. 

She sniffles again, “What? No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine,” she lies.

He stops moving to answer her with his entire focus, “So, then we’ll be fine together. Tell them you don’t feel well and I’ll meet you by your car. We can pick it up later.”

And that’s what she does. When Shane pulls into the parking lot of her work, still in his uniform but in his own truck, he sees her sitting on the bench there. She looks up at the sound of a car and watches as he parks and gets out. 

Standing up, she walks over to him and the closer she gets the more her face falls until he’s got her in his arms and she’s crying into his shoulder.

Shane takes her home to her apartment and to her Delilah. Settled on her bed, he holds his crying girlfriend in his arms, a few stray tears of his own slipping out, while Delilah lays between their legs, her chin resting on her mama. 

Hours later, after they all had fallen into a nap, Shane wakes first. He slowly untangles himself from a sleeping Rachel and grabs a blanket from her couch and drapes it over her. Delilah’s whining to go out now, so Shane takes the poor girl outside. When he comes back, he feeds her before walking back into the bedroom. 

Rachel’s awake, standing next to the bed and stripping off her clothes. She looks at him, “I need a shower.”

He doesn’t want her to be alone, even just that few feet away in the bathroom. 

“Me too,” he agrees. 

Both naked now, they walk into the bathroom and step into the shower where Shane turns on the water. As he does so, he feels her hands on his hips, then her fingers as they roam along his lower abdomen. With the hot water now rushing out, he turns back to her and his fingers slip into her hair, combing through a few times as she looks up at him.

His eyes meet hers and he brushes the back of his finger along her cheek before fitting his hand to her jaw, the pad of his thumb smoothing under her mouth. 

As he leans down to meet her lips, Rachel cups the back of his neck. She grips his buttocks as he kisses her and he wraps his arm around her waist. 

There’s nothing sexual about their caresses, just two broken hearts needing the other to heal. 

Shane gently nudges her back against the tiled wall, mouths never parting. When they finally do part it’s when Shane stops to take in her beautiful face and when Rachel stops to lovingly pet his jaw as she presses soft kisses around his mouth. 

She kisses the dip of his top lip, “I know you’ll tell me I don’t have to, but what you did – coming to pick me up – it means a lot, so thank you. As hard and confusing as this whole thing has been, for the both of us, you’ve made it easier for me. I’m just -,” she stops to find the right words as she looks into his brown eyes, “I’m so grateful for you, Shane. For your love, your loyalty, your heart,” and she runs her fingernails through his wet hair, around the curve of his ear before letting her hand slide down his chest.

His stomach flutters and his heart pounds as he hears those incredible words from the mouth of this incredible woman. She makes his knees weak and his chest hurt. No smile appears on his face because he’s so deeply serious.

“It’s you. You make me better. You make me want nothing but to always be there for you, for us. And any future us,” his hand skims her stomach, “Baby, I’m with you through anything.”

Thank goodness for the water because she feels a few tears slip from her eyes. But Shane knows, and he’s thumbing at her cheek for them, kissing her between the eyes so tenderly that she wants to melt in his arms.

When he sees a soft grin on her face, the first smile of the whole day, he feels like he’s floating for being the one to do that for her.

She’s it.

She’s everything.

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone that needs to hear this - please remember that this is FICTION. I know that the topic of pregnancy and abortion can elicit very fiery emotional responses but this is a fictional couple going through a fictional moment. I'd appreciate that any discourse please stay out of the comments as this is a place for fun and free entertainment and we all have better things to do than be mean and argue.


End file.
